Thursday, July 9, 2015

my ruin.


This is what you call me

I strike terror among men

I can't be bothered by what they think

I bare my cross, my soul, myself

I forgive but I never forget

I've been put upon this Earth in female form

But I can handle myself with the best of you

As well as the worst and I often have

I have the right to remain silent

But I choose to speak, sing, scream

I am lips, hips, tits

I am the power of a woman

Strong like music, true like friendship

But without my friends

There would be no music only spoken word



I am able to change

So I live without regret

Without remorse

Only a remix

I am drunk, I am sober

Heaven doesn't want me

And hell's afraid I'll take over

Don't bother trying to censor me

Or shut me up

Because it won't work

I am cold and distant yet warm and close

To those who deserve to see that side of me

Part of me, the heart of me

You find me so hard to understand in your world

The world you perceive to be so normal

I am deformed, scorned, reborn, I am me

And I know exactly who I am, what I am

And the wrath I bring

The ugly beauty, the lying truth

The virgin whore, the quiet storm

A lover, a fighter, a saint, a sinner

A sister, a daughter, old school a beginner

I have decorated myself with love

Hate, truth, you

All of you, both of you

None of you

More than one of you



With lips like sugar, eyes like meat

I've watched men come, go and cheat

I sleep to dream and dream of sleep

I had a dream Joe

That you were standing in the middle of an open grove

I had a dream Joe

That your hands were raised up to the sky

And your mouth was covered in foam

I've been crucified, justified

And mortified by my behavior

Both feminine and masculine

I am a contradiction and juxtaposition

My relief is my release

And only time will tell

All's well that ends well

I am unsweetened, unclean

Been called drama queen

Ex girlfriend, ex member

The tantrum, the temper

I point my finger, take the blame

And this time I will own the name

Because no one is going to ruin me

If I have to, I will ruin myself

And it will be my ruin






BETH, TAIRRIE / MORRIS, PAUL / SOUTHERN, STEVE / PETERS, JAY I walk away in the night, I let go of the anger. No longer will I let it eat away at my heart, devouring my soul.  It's finished now. I own my own actions, my anger isn't mine, no one will dictate how I feel, my actions, good or bad. I own my own ruin.

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